Mom complains about Boomer grandma only agreeing to watch kids so long as she never has to do it again: 'She says I need a reliable back up plan because she may bail'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 8, 2026 12:30 PM EDT

Are all boomers bad grandparents?

A lot of people like to hand-wring about the fact that the birth rate is falling, but a lot of those people also don't like to take into account that those parents pumping up the numbers back in the day also wouldn't have had as many kids if they had more of a choice. The reality is that being a parent and doing it properly requires a real commitment, and most moms and dads prefer that this commitment is occasionally shared with trusted friends and family. There's a reason that so many like to talk about the necessity of the village.

Unfortunately for anybody who wishes that the general population would just start popping out more babies, one of many reasons that people are wary about having kids is that they do not know what kind of support they are going to receive if they have them. Not everybody has the blessing of having supportive family members nearby, or even having supportive family at all. The risk of going through something as complex as parenthood without a community to back them up can be frightening.

If we have to define an existing generation as the one with the most grandparents, the baby boomers would probably be up there. They have also faced a lot of criticism for not being interested in helping their children if they have kids. There have been numerous discussions on social media about how many boomer grandparents actively reject any responsibility when it comes to their grandkids. They don't want to be stuck with babysitting duty no matter how desperate the situation is.

Advertisement
  • 01
    An older woman puts her arms around two young boys on a couch as they read together.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    An older woman puts her arms around two young boys on a couch as they read together.

  • This conversation was continued with a mom who complained about asking her own mom to take her kids for the day while she had a conference for work. Although she agreed, the grandma gave a long list of issues and conditions that left her daughter feeling like she wasn't happy about taking responsibility. It was clear that she didn't see her as a default childcare option, to say the least.

  • 02
    Prairie Housewife @prairiehsewife I asked my (boomer) mom to watch my (good) kids during the day while I'm at a conference. She said yes, but in the same text: -said she wouldn't do it again -made me feel guilty for asking her since she's already so busy -said she doesn't have the stamina (she's 64 and in good health) -doesn't want to "be in a disciplinarian role" and just wants to be Grandma - is leaving early to make it back in time to attend a church function -and says I need a reliable back
    via prairiehsewife
  • 03

    This apparently wasn't an uncommon experience.

    Yankee in Missouri @grac3nTruth I asked my parents two times if they would babysit my kids for a few hours. They acted like I had asked them to donate me their kidneys. Didn't ask again. Now they're shocked they have zero relationship with them.
    via grac3nTruth
  • 04
    Mrs. I @smalltown_wife I'm sorry, that's absolutely insane. my parents a decade older would bend over backwards to help if I needed it
    via smalltown_wife

  • Of course, it is always the parents who should have to take primary responsibility for their kids, so long as they are able. It is also not fair to expect that grandparents will always be the go-to babysitters, unless they have explicitly stated that this is an arrangement that they are happy with. 

    However, is it really so entitled for moms and dads to hope that their own moms and dads will be willing to take responsibility for their kids every so often? Being a grandparent is usually seen as an easier job than what it takes to get there, even if it isn't always totally fun. Helping out your children doesn't necessarily stop once they are adults, and within reason, being with the grandkids is an important part of developing strong family bonds.

  • 05
    Ananda @TheSoulExists I guess that's a "no" in disguise.
    via TheSoulExists
  • 06

    It was a big responsibility.

    Siobhán @siobhan30303 You want to dump four children on your mother for an entire day and you are because she has a life of her own and doesn't feel like giving up her day to provide you with free babysitting.
    via siobhan30303
  • 07
    snarky10 ❤ @Snarky0202 So you're trying to humiliate her on social media? I would be a little weary of you too. It takes a lot of energy to be the Hallmark grandparents and then get kicked in the teeth. Something I didn't understand as a parent but am learning as a grand.
    via Snarky0202
  • 08
    Producer @ Avoiding ... @CatholicRob Millennials often go no contact simply because their parents are literally the worst generation of parents in the history of the world.
    via CatholicRob
  • 09

    She was only asking for one day.

    rebecca @rrcjaf Comments making me extremely blackpilled. She's not asking for her mom to be her full time nanny. She's asking for one day for a unique situation. Boomers are so bleak man
    via rrcjaf
  • 10
    Freya @FreyaWhitethorn Asked my boomer MIL for help after I had my second born from 8-11 in the morning. Even lowered it to 8-10 so I could appeal more to her. She said no because she couldn't miss like dancing and bowling despite her being completely fine missing it for her 3 month cruise.
    via FreyaWhitethorn
  • 11
    Kathryn Watson @kathrynw5 Grandparents have every right to say no to occasionally helping out despite being physically able. And since family is so annoying, those grandparents can enjoy their peace and quiet with no visitors in the nursing home.
    via kathrynw5
  • 12

    The deal goes both ways.

    Katie @themom_katie I wonder if all the folks replying to her that her mom isn't an “employee” and she's “selfish” to ask her to babysit would feel the same way if we told them they're "selfish" to expect their kids to take care of them in their old age because they're not "employees”
    via themom_katie
  • 13
    LJ @crotchner2 truly feel in the minority that i have a mom and dad that genuinely loved being parents and now want to be as involved. and present as possible in their granddaughters life
    via crotchner2
  • 14
    t (still gritty's version) @transshollander More conferences need to partner with event childcare agencies and provide (paid) childcare options.
    via transshollander
  • 15

    She had had her turn.

    KatyinIndy ❤ @Katyin Indy your mother delivered you and raised you... She does not owe you the rest of her life. Grow TF up!
    via KatyinIndy
  • 16
    Michelle Muse ... @musemaxxing Sometimes older family members say no to watching kids because they are concerned that they can't watch them properly or be fast enough. They're worried about safety. I realized this later in life. It's not always "boomers" saying no because they're "selfish."
    via musemaxxing

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama grandma parenting baby boomers
Scroll Down For The Next Article